Rajender Kumar Sharma
“Our child doesn’t listen to anyone’s words and has become very stubborn” or “my son is totally out of tune with what I say, don’t know what the school teachers teach.”? Parents may not see anything special in hearing this conversation, but psychologically, this conversation is enough to reveal the whole personality of the child. Ignoring it as mere stubbornness of the child affects the general behavior of the child and the process of their entire personality development. Today, since the trend of nuclear families has increased, and according to the demand of the time, a rule has been made for only one or two children in each family. The young couple is leaving no stone unturned to give every happiness and comfort of life to their child. But parents forget that facilities do not mean happiness. Nor are they doing any good to the child by doing so. It is important that by doing this, they are contributing to constructing a weak personality for their child. Think… if any day all these facilities being made available to the children are curtailed, how will the child react? The child’s response will be similar to that reflected in the conversation described above.
If we talk about the old times, there used to be not one or two, but three or four children in the family. When time was cheap, there was no problem in parenting. The parents used to provide all the necessary things for the good future of the child. Yes, many times due to paucity of money, they had to tell the children that this time, they will not get this thing. That is, the child was made to realize the importance of money and its “paucity” from time to time. Due to this, the child’s personality was easily accepted for not getting facilities, which not only encouraged the child to achieve their goals in the future but also helped lay the foundation of a strong personality.
Today the situation is completely different. Parents are ready to do anything to fulfill every facility of the child, whether they have to take a loan from the bank for this or withdraw their hard-earned provident fund money. Such parents do not want their children to feel any “paucity,” and they are not serious about teaching the child how much hard work is needed to earn money honestly. The result of that is that as the child grows up, they do not see the parents as anything more than a money-earning machine. For children, the image of a parent becomes like “Aladdin’s lamp.” The child’s personality and its behavioral development also take place in a manner in which there is no acceptance in the child’s mind for any “deficit” situation. It never occurs to them that the Genie of Aladdin’s magic lamp can sometimes fail to give what they want, or that the genie may also fall ill or have a lack of money or lose their job, etc.
It is from here that the inclusion of stubbornness in the child’s behavior begins. Excessive stubbornness of the child can take their behavior in any direction. We hear and read about heinous crimes committed by minor children in newspapers. Sometimes children from very elite families are also found involved in such crimes, or the children do not refrain from taking suicidal steps just because the parents say something to the child. The reason for all this is improper child parenting, where the child is shown and told the meaning of happiness only in worldly and material comforts. The child was never told that the love of the parents and their attachment towards their child, the spirit of caring for their child and their feelings full of affection, are such precious gifts for the child.
Parent is not just a money making machine or Aladdin’s magic lamp. Along with facilities for balanced and strong personality development of children, explain to the child the importance of “paucity” in life, generate a positive acceptance towards that “paucity”. And this will happen when the parent shows a sense of “deprivation” of the child’s non-essential comforts. Only then the child will become the owner of a strong personality, will be able to stand as a strong support for you and yourself in times of need.
(Writer is a Columnist & Sr. Educator, Dehradun, Uttrakhand. Views are personal)
Rajender Kumar Sharma